When it comes (pun intended), to communicating in the bedroom, most of us think first of that moment when our bodies collide with our partner’s and we reach that golden peak of Nirvana- orgasm. Our bodies communicated extraordinarily well, right? We reached that peak together and so that should be it.
Yet according to the latest research, something is lacking. Only 5% of women said “thrusting” is reliable for penetration, while 95% receive orgasm through stimulating the clitoris or with help from a quality adult shop for adventure and advice.
So, it’s not all about the thrust. It’s so much more.
Want. Feedback. Giving.
If it’s not about reaching that peak, then what is sensual communication about?
There is an art to prepping your partner for the Big Bang, and it will involve less genitalia and more stroking of the unexplored parts. When we say sensual communication, we mean seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, and touching. To explore the true wonders of sensual communication, here are some ideas.
The Bedroom Director
Anyone can take on this role. It is simply the idea of orchestrating the seduction of the mood. Again, there is no “thrusting” involved, this will be a time to simply make the atmosphere ripe for getting to know each other, by teasing the senses.
If you’re in a long term relationship, this will help rediscover each other’s needs.
According to a Bustle article, people in long term relationships that took the time to set the mood had better sex lives.
So how would you set the mood?
- First, do not rely on outdated methods like movies, roses, and Jazz music (it’s fine to do that, but let’s upgrade a bit here for a more pleasurable experience).
- Make sure your phones are on silent and put away.
- Dim lighting and soft fragrance in the air communicates the intention of seduction. Having candles is still in style- please use them.
- Finally, make sure your bedroom or wherever you will be is clean and well decorated. This can be the perfect time to simply gaze at one another, touch each other, and feed each other succulent finger foods.
This takes care of the sight, sound, and even taste features. If you want to be even more daring, try a dollop of food on your partner’s body and lap it up the way they want. This time it is all about your partner and you seeing them in a new light. Remember, this is sensual seduction, you just have to create the mood.
Sensate focus is a method of simply touching your partner and nothing else. No matter how turned on you get, the goal is to simply touch and relish in the thrill of the texture and sensations from touching.
In the first step the both of you make sure you are clean and designate who will be the giver and receiver and then for 15 minutes at most, you touch. If someone becomes aroused, stop. The next steps involve genital and breast touching, adding oils, mutual touching, and finally sensual intercourse. During sensual intercourse, you can offer each other some light relief but no penetrations or overstimulating one another.
The point is to simply explore. This is great for reconnecting with your partner and really getting to know them. If there are questions about what something feels like, this is a safe and fun space to find out what is working for them. To communicate sensually doesn’t take much skill. Just a serious willingness to love your partner in new ways.